What is a Kink awAre Professional (kap)?

 As a Kink Aware Professional (KAP) clinician I have a positive view on alternative lifestyles and sexualities. I understand the various structures and dynamics of power exchange. Also, I am skilled at deciphering between healthy and unhealthy processes and relationships.

When you come to therapy, the focus is on the issue/s that you are bringing, not on your lifestyle. While the lifestyle is important in understanding you and the interactions you have, there is not an assumption that you or your lifestyle needs to be fixed or made more socially acceptable.

I acknowledge that safer BDSM play has fundamental components, starting with freely entered negotiations, education, skills, training, safe words, safe gestures, safe items, and a trigger plan. However, even with these preliminaries in place, physical injuries, emotional triggers, and consent violations can and do occur. And when that happens, you may need professional help to work through the fallout.

KINK can cause harm when utilized carelessly, or thoughtlessly, or when used without consent. However, it can also provide emotional and cognitive awareness and growth (self, and other); deeper understanding; expanded discovery; as well as personal satisfaction.

As A Kink-aware therapist I can help with a variety of issues including:

  • Relationship issues and how they are structured within the context of BDSM as well as knowing the dynamics of power and role within those relationships.

  • Everyday problems which are not assumed to be a result of your kink.

  • Coming Out process and/or figuring out your kink, sexuality, or interests; to find tolerance and acceptance of your particular fetish or kink within yourself, to judge when to disclose fetishes or kink preferences to significant others.

  • Accepting your BDSM identity and how cultural role conflicts relate within the larger society.

  • Vanilla & Kink Conflicts may evoke difficult feelings and it is important to have a therapist who can be accepting of you and your partner’s preferences with validation, respect, and care while helping you process your emotions and reactions.

  • Knowledge of the difference between abuse & trauma and consensual BDSM practices. And figuring out what your options are when dealing with non-consensual experiences.

Dr. Evelyn Comber

ecomber@gmail.com

1-847-995-8803

FAQs

  • BDSM/Ds = Bondage, Dominance, Sado-masochism and Dominant/submissive

    KAP = Kink Aware Professional

    KINK = Activities, often sexual but not limited to sex, that are outside of vanilla behaviors, practices, concepts or fantasies. It includes a wide range of activities.

    VANILLA = The term derives from the idea of a "bend" (or kink) in one's sexual behavior, contrasting with "straight" or "vanilla" sexual mores and proclivities.

  • BDSM is a lifestyle or sexual play preference that requires all parties to be aware of the power they are giving over to another person. That can be in the long-term (e.g., a Master/slave dominance situation over many years) or short-term (e.g., a scene for a couple of hours between a Top and bottom). In all cases, the giver of the power/control needs to know what they are offering and the receiver of the power/control needs to be well aware of what the are accepting.

    Participants in BDSM/KINK have a feature embedded into the lifestyle called SAFE WORDS. These words such as YELLOW are intended to mean “caution, this is getting scary”; or RED meaning: “Stop all your actions now, this has gone too far, crossed some firm limits.” And for “this is great, keep going” GREEN.

    The words are created by each individual and shared with their play partners. They can be yellow/green/red but also can be some thing that they will immediately remember if it is needed. Also, in addition to verbal words, there are gestures that serve a similar purpose.